It was 1983 when I first heard myself say, “I want to be authentic.” At the time I didn’t even know what being authentic meant or what had motivated me to say these words.
Now, looking back over these 35 years, it is crystal clear – my inner voice, the voice of Source, was speaking clearly to me. It’s been a quite journey. Since “what will people think” was the mantra I lived with, it took me a very long time to have the courage to be publicly authentic.
Don’t believe your thoughts
When I published “Who’s Pulling My Strings” 2 years ago, I didn’t proudly announce it to the world. I did feel good about the message, I spoke my truth, I like my style of writing – but, I was embarrassed about my life story, and what I’d needed to learn from it. Especially, I didn’t tell anyone in my career world of real estate.
While making the magic happen with clients is most satisfying, relating to my peers has been challenging. My belief was that they all wanted to live life on the surface, look good and project a successful image. And, in an attempt to fit in I did the exact same thing – and for sure I wasn’t authentic.
I told myself that my peers would be repulsed at even the thought of the journey taken –from being obsessed with the thought, “what will people think” to exploring who I really am and attempting to be that person. I was sure they would think, “what a loser she is.” I also knew it wasn’t other realtors that were the problem – it was the insecure, frightened ego inside my head. I also know that until I totally get it, I am exactly where I need to be.
“Who’s Pulling My Strings Companion Workbook” has just been published. The journey of this last year writing it has brought me to the awareness that we’re all living with beliefs we were programmed with when we were children.
I believe everyone deserves to give themselves the time to stop and ask, “Why am I feeling the way I am? What could I do to make myself feel better – to feel good?” Actually ask ourselves, “Who’s pulling my strings?”
The Unexpected Gift
Last week in my office meeting I stood up when it was time for touts, I stood up and announced the new book and also the first book. I confessed I hadn’t had the courage to talk about the first one when it was published.
The man who just happened to be leading our meeting that day, and just happened to have a copy of the book that I had just happened to have given him two years ago –asked me to come up and tell everyone about the book and why I wrote it.
It was time, and I did. I shared the moment when thinking I was a macho woman who could do anything was instead paralyzed in fear at going forward into a new venture. I told them I believed I just couldn’t fail because “then everyone would know I was no good.” It was time, and for the first time in a public setting I felt honest and authentic.
When you are honest and authentic you are easy to like and accept. I didn’t feel repulsed by my peers – I actually felt accepted and loved. I think, perhaps, there were even a few sighs of relief saying, “oh, I’m not the only one.”
It’s a journey – you don’t necessarily get there all at once.
This is a huge lesson — it’s a necessary and important lesson. We are impatient with ourselves. We expect that once we know something we should have mastery over it. This undoubtedly prolongs the journey. Did I need to take 35 years to get to where I am today, or 2 years to have the courage to talk with my peers about the book and my journey? I can’t prove my answer to this question, but here is what I do believe — if I had been willing to be patient and more loving with myself wherever I was along the path, it definitely would have made an easier journey. No regrets — just trying to be more wise and patient and accepting of wherever life is at any given moment.